Here’s one hard-and-fast rule for good gifting: “Always gift from your recipient’s perspective,” says Elaine Swann, founder of Swann School of Protocol. “Look at their life, interests, what’s meaningful for them, what they might enjoy, and make your decision based on that.” Still stumped? We asked some etiquette experts to weigh in on some of the most common gift-giving questions. “It is satisfying to give gifts that are well-loved and well-used, but remember that giving should be motivated by generosity,” says etiquette expert Catherine Newman. “That being said, you may need to consider a new approach.” Gift ideas: Opt for gift cards to shops you think they like—or even a cash gift with a note suggesting that they pick up something special for themselves. (You might even follow up to ask what they decided to buy—to give you gift-giving inspiration for the next time.) Gift ideas: In the future, plan ahead and have a stash of gifts you can use for those unexpected gift-giving moments. “I have a gift closet for regifting throughout the year, filled with items that are very nice, brand new, and may be very useful for someone else,” Swann says. And don’t forget about the power of words in a well-written thank-you note. “Write something very thoughtful in a card,” Swann says. “There’s nothing like putting pen to paper and saying something special to someone.” Gift ideas: If you can’t bear to show up empty-handed, you can cheat a little and offer a small token gift. Think something edible, like chocolate, wine, or cookies. “That way, you’re not disobeying their instructions―and you’ve got something in hand,” Rottenberg says. If it really bothers you, speak up. “Say, ‘I appreciate your generosity, but I wish you wouldn’t give me such expensive gifts because they make me feel bad that I can’t reciprocate,’” Newman suggests. “She may not stop, but at the very least, you’ll have expressed your misgivings and started a conversation.” You might consider setting a budgetary limit for gifts between the two of you, so you can both feel comfortable. Gift ideas: That old saw about “it’s the thought that counts” definitely rings true. Your friend won’t expect a lavish gift that will put you in debt. Just think about your friend’s interests and your history together, and come up with something thoughtful that fits your budget. You can consult our guide to holiday tipping, but Swann also recommends thinking of your holiday gifting budget like an onion. There’s the core group who will likely take up most of your gift-giving budget, and the outer layers may get smaller gifts or thoughtful notes. “Give gifts to the people who make the biggest impact on your life,” Swann says. “But make sure you stay on budget.” Gift ideas: Cash is generally preferred for most people in service professions, though an additional, more personal gift would be thoughtful for people who are a big part of your life, like a nanny or your assistant. (Think a food-related treat or a nice bag.) Keep in mind that lavish gifts are prohibited in some professions, such as letter carriers or doctors, so it’s worth asking before you indulge. Gift ideas: Rather than give up gift-giving entirely, gift experiences in lieu of the latest gadgets or goodies. “Offer your best friend a nonmonetary present, like a night of babysitting,” Slatella suggests. “Give nieces and nephews no-cost ’love coupons,’ to be redeemed for an afternoon of sledding or a homemade pizza lunch. If you have a special skill, share it—lead a yoga demonstration or give a knitting lesson. Remember: The point of the holidays isn’t to drop a lot of cash—it’s to make a meaningful gesture, and that doesn’t cost a thing.”
